303Assume the Best
posted by Jeffrey on May 18th, 2007
Body language, tone, and discernment. Those are but a few ways one communicates non-verbally. It is no secret that more than 90% of communication is actually believe to be non-verbal.
In the virtual world of blogs and forums, such communication is imperceivable.
Recently, I’ve been in several discussions [like this one, this one, and this one] around the blogosphere where misunderstandings have seemed to abound. You see, as you read these very words right now, you are projecting on me a certain tone, motivation, and circumstance that your subconscious fabricates based on a number of things.
Such projections may or may not be realistic.
That said, let’s implement a general rule friendly guideline here at the good ole’ Shadows of Love:
Let’s always assume the best.
If you think I’m being cynical, judgmental, or an all-around ass about something, how about just assuming I’m not. I agree to do the same thing to any who wish to comment, discuss, and converse (and all are always welcome).
You may ask, “but what if you really are being cynical, judgmental, and an all-around ass about something?”.
The truth is, sometimes that WILL be the case. This, after all, is the Shadows of Love, not the fullness of it…yet ;-). But, if we still assume the best of each other, such will hopefully be perceived and will become reality. Can you imagine the connection, the peace, and the conversation that could happen in front of that backdrop?
I mess up. I make mistakes. I take cheap shots. It happens. At my core, however, I care most about Love, Freedom, and Relationships. Want to explore them together?
Technorati Tags: blogging, love, freedom, Jeffrey Davis
001: Lacey,
May 18th, 2007 at 9:55 amas more of a spectator of recent conversations on here, i thought i might finally add my two cents.
i know for me it would be hard to go off of assumptions. assumptions obviously can go either way; sometimes being correct and other times being completely off. regardless, i think that honesty is the best form of communication and i’d rather ask someone exactly where they are coming from rather than even assumeing the best if i find myself confused… whether on-line or in person. i see where you are coming from though and i definitely think it is better to not jump to conclusions… 
however i think clear communication, which includes actually working through assumptions, is more favorable… even if messy at times. all’s fair in love and war
002: Justin,
May 21st, 2007 at 5:27 amwell said.
and the fact of the matter is, if we moved from the online community into our local tangible communities, we could carry the idea of perceived reality with us (to a point). except it would be more appropriately known as trust. “i trust that you are going to be loving.” and true love, as has been discussed in an incredible number of blogs, articles, books, etc. is indeed a verb made of many verbs. if we’re always to be patient, kind, caring, compassionate, prideless, encouraging, slow-to-become-angry, and so on, then we might just find ourselves driving away the “shadows” and becoming love itself.
003: Jeffrey,
May 21st, 2007 at 6:02 amIndeed Justin. Something that may (or may not) be different about this blog is that I have always intended for this to be a launching pad for real relationships. Never have I intended to have a solely virtual personality with weighty opinions that are stated matter-of-fact, provoking the eruption of argument and bustle.
I have instead wanted this to be a place where wonder is encouraged, questions are asked, thoughts are provoked, and relationships begin.
…at least that’s the goal of one hopeless romantic. ha.
004: Kat Coble,
May 26th, 2007 at 9:06 amLacey pretty much said what I was going to say. I never assume anything. I’m always about the dialogue. Because to me, asking requires me to think through and articulate my position whereas answering requires the other fellow to think through and articulate his position.
I only do “assuming” with my husband–I assume he won’t cheat on me, I assume he loves me. Beyond that, I think “assuming” does the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish.
You say you “hold a more Eastern philosophy of learning (which relies heavily on dialog and question,” and that conflicts directly with your “assume the best” model.
005: Jeffrey,
May 26th, 2007 at 2:07 pmKat, I would like to think that it is quite obvious here that I am ALWAYS about dialogue. The “assume the best” idea is in no way meant to limit, stifle, or replace dialogue. It is simply meant to be a different place to BEGIN dialogue from.
Everyone makes assumptions about everything. People cannot help it. I mean to say that if we’re going to make an assumption, why not assume the best and dialogue from there…I hope that clarifies how my more eastern philosophy is not in any contradiction whatsoever with this “assume the best” idea
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